I want to love without constantly being worried about getting my heart broken.
I want to love without over thinking about everything and everyone around me.
I want to do things that I love to do without having people judging me or making me feel guilty.
I want to walk up to everyone who has ever hurt me and get answers from them.
I want to see U-kiss or uBEAT win an award in Korea.
I want to dance on the road with everyone watching - wait, I already did that
I want to forget every single hurt inflicted on me and forgive everyone around me.
I want to touch your lips, see your smile and hear you say "I love you" once more.
I want to stand proudly beside you and not be ashamed of myself being unworthy of you.
I want to do the things I have never done, - like sitting the roller coaster.
I want to fly around the world and see things I've only seen on television.
I want to lay down on your chest and listen to your heartbeat as you sleep.
I want to know what Eli's doing every day, every time, every hour, every second.

I want to stand with you on a mountain, I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to live like this forever, until the sky falls down on me.
-Savage Garden

Why U-Kiss deserves a second chance

U-Kiss recently announced that they would be making a comeback in Korea this April, having only released “Neverland” in Korea last September and “Tick Tack” in Japan in December. U-Kiss has been pretty busy since they changed their member line-up in mid-2011, but has all their hard work paid off?
U-Kiss debuted in 2008 with “Not Young,” a song that was so atrocious that even the U-Kiss members themselves now admit it to be hopelessly embarrassing and a memory that they’d rather not revisit. Their subsequent, more well-known releases such as “Bingeul Bingeul” and “Man Man Ha Ni” didn’t receive much recognition for their musical quality either, and for good reason. Prior to this year, it was very difficult to take U-Kiss seriously because their music just wasn’t good, and their overdone, fake-punk image certainly didn’t help it. For two years, U-Kiss’ reputation within the K-pop sphere remained stagnant, bolting U-Kiss to the Island of K-pop Mediocrity with no prospect of freedom anywhere in sight.

But 2011 was a turning point for the group. There’s little doubt in my mind that U-Kiss has made significant improvements during this past year. Their last mini-album, Bran New Kiss, was one of my favorite albums this year, and the work on their Neverland album is nothing short of impressive. If we’re talking sheer musical caliber, the work that U-Kiss has produced this past year far surpasses the work of their more popular counterparts. In short, the work that U-Kiss has produced this past year should’ve been good enough to launch them to the top.

Then again, since when has popularity in K-pop ever depended on actual quality? SHINee debuted around the same time as U-Kiss, and yet, SHINee‘s popularity and respect within the industry far surpasses that of U-Kiss. But is SHINee’s music necessarily better than U-Kiss’ music? Anyone who’s ever heard SHINee’s “Lucifer” should know the answer to that question.
U-Kiss’ problem is simple: Why haven’t they received the amount of recognition merited by the quality of their newest music? Indie fans have been asking this question for years, but indie bands also don’t ever expect to go mainstream, and their success doesn’t ride on popular recognition. The success of idol pop bands, however, does. U-Kiss had a very weak start, and they continued to be weak for the first two years of their career. Those two years of mediocrity were enough for most audiences to write off U-Kiss as another forgettable group and never turn back. In a world where new groups are popping up every month, one can’t expect an audience to go back and take a second look at an old group that has already proven itself to be unimpressive.

And while it might be hard to admit, U-Kiss is severely lacking in so-called “natural talent.” With the notable exception of Soohyun, the lead vocal, there isn’t a single member in U-Kiss that has proven himself to be extraordinarily talented in any one area of performance. Don’t get me wrong: they’re a bunch of hard-working boys who do a good job in pulling off their performances, but there’s nary a member that one can point to and say, “He’s an amazing singer,” or “He dances like a fiend.” If anything, U-Kiss is a group of pretty faces who can carry a tune and thrash around to choreography and generally do well with whatever they’re given.
But the fact that U-Kiss does well with whatever they’re given may make all the difference. The group ‘relaunched’ itself with a new member line-up and a new image in Bran New Kiss, but the biggest changes occurred behind the scenes: they had new producers, new songwriters, new artistic staff — all of whom worked to create content that suited U-Kiss well and placed them in the best light possible. Perhaps it’s fair to say that U-Kiss’ creative staff are the ones who are really deserving of the recognition. In a sense, U-Kiss serves as a vehicle and an outlet for these behind-the-scene creatives. And as long as these creatives are doing good work, there’s really nothing wrong with that.

So with the way things are going for U-Kiss now — better music, better visuals, but same level of talent as before — should we reevaluate our perception of U-Kiss? Well, it all boils down to how one regards pop music and culture. Is your interest in a group dependent on the qualities and talents of the individual members, or are they dependent on the holistic quality of the group’s music? Are you more of a Beyonce person or a Kesha person? The idea of “good musical taste” in pop music is a complicated matter, and U-Kiss is a good portrayal of the complexity of this issue. As more and more groups debut, it’s easier to spot the untalented members and groups and disregard them, but does lack of talent also mean lack of musical quality? In a manufactured landscape like K-pop, it’s hard to tell.

Kevin, while I'm not a huge fan of his voice, has great singing technique and is one of the more consistent singers in live performances. he also exudes power in his dancing and performances on-stage and although this isn't related to talent, seems to be an incredibly nice guy off-stage.  Hoon is a wonderful addition to U-kiss. and though I felt sorry seeing Alexander and Kibum go, I'm happy NHM decided to add Hoon to U-kiss' lineup. The dude has a very nice warm voice and can be as powerful as Soohyun if he wants to - which isn't surprising since he used to promote solo. He also helps with the vocal distribution as it usually went to Soohyun and Kevin and adds something new in that department.

As for Kiseop, he has a nice enough voice, can do more than just hold a tune and if he gets certain songs can really bring out the sweetness in his voice. So I don't think he's "untalented" either, just very under-utilized since he has been positioned as a sub-vocal. AJ, oh AJ, can sing as well and its obvious he has been keeping up with the vocal training even after his Paran days. He can certainly do more than just hold a tune too and isn't shaky in live performances where he has to sing, like "someday". I actually really like his singing voice and i love his rapping! He's way above alot of idol rappers imo (Minho, key, Taec..) and has good flow. I'm just amazed that he's been listed as the "lead rapper" but Dongho gets more rap lines than he does. I'd pick his rapping over Dongho's anyday. And I like that he's incredibly smart and sexy too (yum), but I digress.

So yup. This came out too long but I just wanted to point out that there's more to a group than just the lead vocal in terms of talent. I loved Bran New Kiss and Neverland albums. They always have nice songs in the albums they don't really promote (obsession, i dont understand..) They are really unpopular in Korea sadly, because they started off a bit wrong, but they have improved and I wish them all the best in 2013.

Sleeping over at Sara's house tonight.
Deleted all my previous post because I blog super childishly when I was young .
Cringing while reading my old posts.

Goodnight readers.

On 20th April 2013, I went to U-kiss Collage Tour in Singapore.
and dare I say, it is the best night of my existance.
Although it was really super duper hot queueing in the hot afternoon in mid April in Singapore, but it was totally worth it when I finally saw the 7 perfect human beings in the function room!

Backtrack a little here, alright?
ton at the ariport on 19 April at around 10pm so I can fetch U-kiss when they came on the 20th at 5am at Terminal 2.
It was until when we checked the time at 4am that they said the flight will arrive at Terminal 3 instead!
Super flustered! Me, my sis and Aemee, plus 2 other Kissmes we met at the airport rushed there immediately.
After a few minutes of waiting, we finally saw them !! OMIGOSHH.

Eli was the first to come out, when he saw my fanboard, he smiled and looked up at me and smiled even brighter. (Need I mention that I was so elated! Damn happy that I brought my fanboard!!)
Kiseop was walking with Aj and Hoon, so he was super near us!! He smiled at my sis when he saw my sis's fanboard too !!
We couldn't wait for night to come when we will see them again, but we had to catch up on our sleep, so we went back homefor a rest.

Went down to queue at 11am. And I went to get Redbull for Eli. :D

Finally when we saw them at the function room, I couldn't react fast because Eli is the third person sitting across the table!!
Kevin was first, den Kiseop , Eli, Dongho, Aj, Hoon and Soohyun.
Kevin and Kiseop went by in a blur, actually I hadn't settled myself enough to prepare for them. Mianhaeyo !!
When it was Eli's turn, I left my gift on his table, and he said "Oooh Redbull!!!" with a super happy face !! *MELTS*
and when I shook his hand it was scorching hot. or rather, my hands were cold.
I didn't notice that my hands was super cold until I held Eli's hand.
My hands have never been COLD before. I always considered myself to have a "guy's hand" coz it's always bigger then my girlfriends and always so warm despite being in an air conditioned or cold environment.

When it was Dongho, I told him that I watced Don't Cry Mommy, and it was awesome, I sorta mumbled it, so I don't know if he understood . Very Sorry I am super nervous!!
Aj kinda calmed me down when he teased me with "Annyeong!!". I replied "Hi" But he asked "Annyeong??" again. With a mischevious grin on his face, and I relaxed a little and said "Annyeong!"
Hoon didn't interacted much with me, or rather I didn't say anything because I'm feeling nervous again.

Soohyun was being dorky as usual saying "Kamsa... Oops, Thank you!!" to me. When he was going "Oops" He didn't really say it, his mouthed turned into an oval shape and he covered it slightly.
Kyeoptaaaaa ~~~

The concert was AMAJJANG.
But I'm not going into details. Details hurt . LOL. Not really, I'm just too lazy.
I'll just write whatever happened to me there ._.
Aj gave lots of fan service! After introducing themselves, Aj blew a kiss and winked at me. I was super shocked, and looked at Xiao Yue (Since she is Aj bias) her reaction was hilarious, I completely got over the shock of being flirted at by my idol.
She said. "WHYY" in a growling (cute) manner.
Like she wanted to bite my head off. Omg. Its too funny I can't describe it.
But she is my best spazz mate for a reason, doesn't matter. LOL.

After that, Aj interacted with a girl beside my sis but she kept screaming and shouting at him(?)
Den he turned to me (idk why maybe because I was super hyper too??)
And I followed after him clapping and smiling wildly. Den he winked at me again. OMG.

In between the concert I got smiles from Aj and winks too  . He almost became my bias.
Until Eli saw me and I waved frantically at him, and he smiled and waved at me.
*MELTSS*

Dongho came over to our side and rest when we screamed his name, he look at us and smiled.
Ahh maknae look so cute smiling
Soohyun came over to our side singing and shook one of the girls hands, he also threw the water bottle at us when we gestured him to do it. Daebakk.

Also,
Kevin smiled at me !! Ahh and he nodded at my sis's fanboard when she changed it to the back where it is written "U-kiss" on there.
Lots of eye contact with Kevin too.
Hoon threw his towel at us !! Hehehhe. He also keep coming to where we were standing and waved and gave lots of fanservice.

Kiseop sadly, didn't come to our side at all !!
Duper sad! At the last part, before they left the stage thou, Kiseop turned to look in my direction.
I nudged at my sis and said sharply "Kiseop!".
And he pointed at her and blew her a kiss !

In that instant, my sis went back to being his bias again..

It's funny how the rest of the member can do so much for us, but our bias will forever be our bias even a nod on the head to show they understood, or a smile that is just for us. It's so enough.

I love Aj now so so much! Previously he was just the cute maknae in Paran which I like (Coz my bias is ACE) , now everytime I see his photos , I get all fluttery inside..

Btw, U-kiss subunit uBEAT  (which consists of Eli and Aj, Featuring Kevin) will be releasing their album on 25th April, and making their first comeback stage in Taiwan on 26th April.
Please do support them


Video below is their first single "Should have treated you better" with english subtitles!
Thank you !!

Today I went to watch the much anticipated "Don't cry mommy" starring U-kiss Dongho.
For those of you who had been following my blog or twitter, I have tweeted and blogged time and time again how much I want to watch this movie. Mostly because it has U-kiss Dongho in it. :D

Also, the story is based on a true story about a girl who got gang-raped and she committed suicide. The law couldn't convict the rapists because they are minors. So the mom decided to get revenge for her daughter her own way.
Yes, Dongho is acting as one of the rapist.

"Don't cry mommy" is a really heart wrenching story about the relationship between parent and children. Which in the movie is the mom and daughter. Although I'm left quite confused about the ending and such but during the part where the mom sees the video of her daughter being abused, and that emotional climate of the whole movie where she went almost insane. That whole scene is enough to make the movie worth your money. Unless you're a kissme.. Dongho's face on HD in a super big ass screen is enough for you, i guess. It's enough for me thou.

I won't say I'll watch "Don't Cry Mommy" again, but it's a movie worth watching. Especially if you're a parent.

Sometimes I wonder why I cannot be nice and caring like all the other girls.
You know, how hard is it to just fucking pretend that I care for once? And stop being such a sore, mean bitch.
And then I realized that I do care. Sometimes. Maybe. I care a little too much and I say mean things or discard those feelings by convincing myself that i do not care
I don't know if I made sense. 
But as I grow older I realized that it really does not pay to be kind.
I'm not saying I want to get rewarded with kindness, that's just sick.
I'm talking about being so nice people actually takes advantage of you.

I was like that. Hard to imagine, but I used to agree to everything my friends say, do things for them unconditionally hoping one day they will like me for me. And appreciate what I had done.
But one fine day, one small slip, and that was all it took. I had no friends. Those people who smiled so warmly at me when they asked me to carry their bags for them, or those girls who let me eat with them in the cafeteria if I helped them buy food. 
They just stopped coming to me when I needed them the most. Just one small factor and everything is thrown away. Me included even after everything I had done.
I don't know when exactly I became this bitter. But it started when I was 11. I remember inflicting pain on someone emotionally. I took away all her friends just like how my friends all left me. But i don't feel good at all. Because the friends beside me aren't really my friends. They are more afraid of me then my enemies were. When I graduated primary school. I had no one to call a friend. - well, some friends reconnected with me a few years back but that was all. -

When I reached secondary school, I don't communicate well with my peers. But the people there are more friendly. They changed me. I didn't become who I once was. The naive girl who thinks that everyone will like her as long as she do as she was told. I just became less bitter, and there are people I am willing to do anything for. But these comes with a cost of a 5 year friendship we built. I am never going to forge deeper ties with anyone else the same way again.

Today got me questioning. Do I still care? Feel hurt when I'm left "alone" by my friends? Because, believe me, a lot of people is annoyed by my aloof attitude.
Yea, I guess I do. It hurts. But I learned to care less. The pain doesn't go away. But it doesn't matter. No one cares if you're in pain. No matter how nice a person is how self-sacrificing they think they are. They will always think of their needs first. It pained me to realize this. That people are like this. Theres nothing I could have done to change anything. I won't change back to who I once were. But I'll understand why. Why am I so mean and bitter. Why I wouldn't let things affect me. Why I changed. Because I changed.

And I like the way I am. I feel guilty sometimes when I feel I'm not living up to people's expectations, and then I'll remind myself to care less. To just focus on what is good for myself. Because if I don't care for myself, no one else will. People just disappoint you time and time again. And you're left, hurt. Scared. Feeling so stupid why you ever trusted that person.

P/s I'm not justifying why I am who I am. I just merely want to remind myself why. I am not angry at the people who changed me. I am not looking for people to pity me. I like who I am now. Stronger. Missing out on many things. But so much stronger.

First post of April.

Today morning before going to school, was (obviously) at home, and about to go to the master bedroom's bathroom to put on my contacts.
And A FUCKING HUGE LIZARD was on the top of the wall.Not exactly on the ceiling but on the wall. And I screamed. and it ran off towards the window near the bathroom.
So I told mom to get in, and she tried to open the window so the mother fucker could get out. But NO it didn't it got scared and went further in to my house.. it ran towards the top of the bathroom lost it's footing and dropped to the floor at which, we both screamed at that sight. Den it got stuck at the door, and mom decided to OPEN the stupid door, and it ran out and into my room which was on the other side.
Fuck. And then I remembered that Saph was asleep. Woke her up, and told her that our bedroom was invaded by a lizard, and she moved to sleep in mom's room. And till NOW the lizard's last known whereabouts is in MY ROOM. Probably on my bed now how would I even know.
The whole day (after school) whenever I am in my room, I would have a panic attack of it jumping out and attacking me somewhere or when I am taking my clothes out from the cupboard it would be inside my clothes. Eesh. I have never wanted to move out of my house as much as I did before this. Damn.
I have no idea what to do, Saph had declared that she's not sleeping there tonight, but I really couldn't care less. I mean when it will happen it will happen right? And why the hell must I let that little fucker have MY room? But still, if Saph is not sleeping there tonight, I wouldn't either. Imagine it crawling to her bed, and I would be sleeping with it. Eew.
I can't believe I blogged a whole post just because of that little fucker.. If it had any sense, it wouldn't scare me tonight or anything and just get the fuck out of my bedroom.

Speaking of which, today was the first day of school, it was ok.
I had fun seeing the people I love again.

Also, I think I finally convinced my dad to get me an Iphone5.
I'm not getting my hopes up, but I do hope I can get a smartphone.
Preferably an Iphone since I don't really like Samsung and other products.
Maybe he is much more lenient about money spending since he recently acquired a large (not really) amount after selling our house.


Really looking forward to this month because:

• "Don't cry mummy" is also coming to our shores. It stars U-kiss Dongho as a rapist. (whut). 
• My birthday on 18 April (Happy 20th!)
• U-kiss first concert in Singapore, on 20th April.

Hallelujah, I knew April will eventually be a good month. Apart from the stuffy hot weather that will probably kill us off soon.