You know, whenever I start to blog or try to talk about things on my mind, I always talk in puzzles or in jumbles because you never know who might be reading your blog, right? So anyway, I decided to turn anonymous because the internet is a scary place and you never know who is upset at what you say or do, therefore I have decided to draft all 200 of my posts since 2012 and I also have another blog which I had 500+ posts but it is on private because iie uSed tuu bloq liekk thizz. (*I used to blog like this) .. 

I may share some posts from my old teenaged blog because I was hilarious as in stupidly hilarious and bimbotic. We can pretend we stumbled on a stupid teenager's blog.

I never thought that I needed to censor my words because I felt that everything as long as communicated, can be solved. Right?

Wrong.

Every since I started working, I realised that you cannot just say something thoughtlessly because people can misinterpret it in many different ways and they can twist and spread whatever you say into something else.

Well, maybe if you watched meangirls, you would have known. But experiencing it first-hand is still somewhat of a shock man! I don't mean I went full out Plastic and had the whole Cady experience. But it's some sort of the things I said, wasn't meant to be hurtful or spiteful, but having it thrown back at you with someone's else interpretation makes me realized that?

Speaking of mean girls. Have anyone been playing Mean Girls, Sorority Rush on Episodes?
The decision to do shit stuff was taken right out of our choices and the character ends up doing shitty stuff and again wants another chance because " I didn't mean it" and "I feel so bad about it" ..
Fuck off ! So what if you felt bad, just because you felt bad, you should guilt people into forgiving you ? Then how about they throw it in your face all the mistakes you did then and keep guilt-tripping you to feel guilty?!

I know this is irrelevant but I just spend like $20 on that stupid game and I didn't expect it to turn out so shitty. Plus, the premium dresses are actually uglier than the non-premium one. FML.

But I digress.

So after 2 years of retails and 4 years in the tourism industry, you'd think I'd have wise up by now?

Wrong again. 

There will always be "cliques" in the office. The group that the boss like and consist of some bootlickers and the group that do stuff their way, doesn't care to sweet talk the boss.
Now if you're someone who doesn't wish to have drama, you would hang out with the ones who doesn't involve themselves in drama, right?

So I did just that but guess what? They are also sometimes full of crap, because they are also selfish and only do things their way. So you become neutral and both sides do not trust you to tell you anything and if anything happens both side wouldn't be bothered to help you but because you are neutral, you have to help both sides if they ask for help.

Sucks ain't it?

So I am doing sales and operations. So naturally the other sales have some problem with me. Which personally I do not give two fucks about.
I learn how to do operations because I am nice like that. I do my own stuff so I don't throw everything to the one operation colleague we have.
Not to mention the 2 sales does not like her. Lets call her S. But maybe because they never done operations before therefore, they think S is doing easy work and hence they have conflicts with each other.

For me, I prefer to do everything myself so I know what I am doing what should be changed etc. Turns out after learning the operations from S, she throws all the operations to me! Orders me around like I am under her. What the shit right? I know I am very young and younger than everyone in the office. But whenever I mention to her that she does operations, not me. She will tell me she only was hired to do boss's operations not that other sales. Like, FUCK U SMHH !!! 

Well, bitch -.-'' I am hired to do sales & operations, as in my own operations. Not to be your sidekick!!! I mean, I try so hard to be neutral but people just crawl all over you and eat you up just because you are easy. I hate it!!! I hate it so much!

but if I don't do it, and throw the operations back to the sales, they are going to be unhappy again and I will have offend both sides.

Tell me what should I do? Please leave a comment. and let me know. please I need help!!

Anyway, I just noticed that there’s a lot of things that I want, but then wanting and doing it is so totally different and I just don’t have the self-discipline to do it. Otteoke?? I am like, 20 years old, 91kg and super lazy…. Oh and balding. WTFFMLASDFGHJKL

I mean it’s no use always sitting at my office desk, reading up 101 ways to lose weight(it’s not 101 ways, it just sounded nice so I put it there rofls)

Btw, those of you who are curious and clicking my Instagram link to see what I look like and thinking Not so bad what

I thank you, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. But photos are deceiving.  How many applications out there for girls to twerk their face shape, or eye shape hmm? Especially all those picture of my selca (Korean equivalent to selfies)

I didn’t twerk my eyes , nose or face shape la. But I am in case you didn’t read the first paragraph, I’m 91Kg. I get super depressed coz my sister is super pretty la and my parents or relatives kept saying me and my sister used to look like twins. Damn depressing la…. It’s one thing to be born ugly regardless of your weight, height or skin condition. You are born ugly because of your facial features which, you cannot alter (unless you go for plastic surgery) but its another thing all together when you see your mom is actually super chio in wedding pictures and your sis looks exactly as chio as you but because you are fat, therefore you are ugly and unattractive.

The first being you can’t become pretty without spending tons of money on plastic surgery and the second being, me. Who just have to control my diet, exercise and stop drinking KOI or any sweet drinks to become pretty. It’s like so damn simple right? No need spend money, and actually save money when you don’t buy like, extra portions or soft drinks when you go out for lunch.

By the way, because I am fat or overweight, theres a lot of negative things that are caused because of this obesity.

1) I snore and so-called “choke” in my sleep coz the fats in my body is clogging up my whatever system inside my body la. So I don’t get good sleep because I wake up 2 – 3 times a night.
2) I also almost always have abrasion when I walk too long distance because I have fat thighs and they cause friction when I walk.
3) My doctor told me I am balding coz I have oily scalp because I always eat oily stuff (wtf right? Who knew it would be linked!)
4) I have irregular menstrual cycles. I can not have my period for 2 months and have it 2 times in the 3^rd month (that’s like, 14 days wtf). It happens because I am obese.
5) I cannot wear all my pretty high heels I used to damn love coz I am so fat now my feet and knees actually hurt like a 60 year old woman. (and I’m only 20)
6) My hair is oily therefore my skin is oily , which causes breakouts and big ass pores on my face like mini moh peng.

I cannot think of anything else liao, but of course I can’t buy nice clothes, I can’t fit into most clothes I buy online etc etc. But I am not so superficial la. Sure, its sad that I can’t wear a dress I like when I see it but it’s not as depressing as when I have a body which is in worse condition than my mom. I mean, of course it hurts when people say I look like the mother when I’m out with my mom la (My mom is 150cm and 55kg). But the health aspect is really eating at me and I am still so lethargic about everything!!

Just yesterday, I bought KOI, convincing myself that it’s just a cup and I hadn’t had one in 2 weeks. When I regretted immediately after taking the first sip. But I still finished the whole drink coz its like $4.90 a cup! Imagine how much money I can save if I also stop all this junk food indulgent?

Like my parents always say, no one can help you except yourself.. I hope I have the self-discipline though… Really.