I don't know if I ever mentioned this before, but my dad used to whistle a short tune whenever he returns home from work and upon hearing that note, my siblings and I know that our dad is home.

I don''t know how it happened but this little whistle note has been ingrained in our brains since we are young (you can say we were brain washed) lol.

Anyway, now that we are all adults, and even during our teenage years, whenever we went to a function or any big enclosed space with our dad, and he wants to leave or speak to us or anything at all, he just whistle and we (my siblings and I ) will acknowledge it. Either by looking for him or going to him.

I had this brief discussion with my sister before, about a week ago and we both agreed we felt like pets that react to something their owners say or do.

Like my cat Oreo, he knows "mum mum"means food and "down" when we want him of tabletops. He also selects who he "ärgues" with when he does not want to get off the tables. (Mostly Me. Because I let him get away with it) - I can't help it he looks soooo cute when he meows and "begs" to stay up on the table top.

I digress.

Anyway, I think it's a great way to bond between family members with a sort of "secret code" where only the family members know of.

My dad has parenting done right since day 1.

I would like to clarify for my previous post, I did not hold a grudge and decided to post about it 11 years later. I just read my old blog posts and realized i kept hinting at stuff like, this bitch today in sku! and that guy who said this to me!

I just wanted to post right now- is because I felt that I didn't want anyone to be clueless about who I am talking about when they decide to read my blog or get to know who I am.

Anyway, growing up I realised that there are many things I wish I could have done differently when I was a child. But never have I ever regretted any of my decision, I hope one day, my readers will also not regret what they have chosen.

It is ok to listen to advice, and listen to both sides presenting the best they can, research extensively and everything is easy to check online.

Just make sure that at the end of the day, you make your own decisions in your life, and no one is deciding for you.

First off, I hate to admit it but I am not someone who is good at writing down anything that happened in my life, or I thought I'm not.

I recently went to re-read some of my old blog posts (from about 11 years ago) @ your-punyboxers@bs.com .

And I realized how candid and open I was about writing about what happened in my life, the friends I met and the things we did.

I just realized that I have grown up and am more cautious about the things I say or share online. I did read what I posted when I was a teenager but I decided to open a new blog account (which is this) so I won't have to bear the shame of my previous (really embarrassing) posts to be seen by everyone who knows me from today onward.

Yesterday I decided to archive everything I have from my old blog and put them here, hence you can see the archives dated from 2007 to now.

I guess I am at this age where I no longer feel that the younger, crazier part of myself was an embarrassment. I also feel that so what if this stupid bitch who I had petty squabbles with in secondary 5 sees or is still stalking my blog?

Do I really give a shit about her opinions?

Well, I never have and I never really will, anyway.

I still don't like her and would still probably react childishly if I ever see her again. Not because I am such an evil or unforgiving person, it's because I felt that I never clarified with her before where our friendship was headed and I chose a very selfish and convenient way to cut her out of my life. Maybe she was hurt by my actions and want to "revenge"me in a way, but I guess, we were both young and 17. We didn't know better.... Doesn't mean I will like her any more or less now that so much time has passed.

I always thought about how the situation between us would have been different if I didn't do what I did.

If anyone who is still bothering to read my blog. I want to say that, I don't have any problems with anyone anymore at this stage, but as I read my old posts, and realized how candid i once was, i don't want to read this post 11 years later and not know who or what I am talking about (as with what is happening for my recent posts).

So... to people who don't know what happened, I had a major fight/quarrel/squabble with this girl named Yanping in Seconday 5. We were friends before that until I chose to do something which effectively ended that friendship. Ironically, she always felt that I was laughing or gossiping about her. (self-centered much?)

I first saw Yanping when I was in Secondary 2? I always noticed that she wasn't with the other girls or that she is really quiet. My first thought was that she is a little retarded. (LOL). I mean, she has this really big innocent eyes and always look so fucking lost, so you can't really blame me for thinking that she is a bit slow.... mentally.... ok?  Hhahaha

Well I have never been a kind person, yet I have never been someone who can leave a person there by themselves... Alone.

So I remember I decided to befriend her and I also remember me approaching and getting to know her.

I don't really know what we did together but we were at least known companion and at least didn't dislike each other as far as I could feel or tell.

I don't remember if it was in Sec 3 or Sec 4 when I was in chinese class and YuanXiang that mother fucker start to make fun of me again. So I heard Yanping saying something like, Ïf you hate her so much, why don't u get someone to go down whack her ?"which YX did not reply to. (Side note: His friends are my friends how is he gonna ask our mutual friends to whack me, may I ask?)  , so he kinda ignored her and pretended not to hear her while continuing throwing snide remarks at me. Damn childish. Anyway, she repeated her question a few times when she then dumbly realised that he is ignoring her on purpose.

So before this I once heard her questioning YX if the story I said that he liked me in P3 and I liked him in P4 was a lie. Like, I was 13 and confided in Wanting or Whitney about this. Why the fuck should I lie? Your boyfriend so ugly you also like him now right, and considering I was never as ugly as your boyfriend, I don't get why must it be a lie that YX was attracted to me????

I swear I am not angry or upset anymore but mentioning it again I would get a little more agitated ok?

-.-

Anyway, I felt super hurt by her actions because I thought we were friends or that I was the one who approached her and be friends with her when none of my clique give a shit about this big eyed retarded looking chibai. And here she is eating lunch with me and my friends laughing with us while talking shit about me when she thought I wouldn't hear it.

Also no, don't ask me if I heard it from someone else, based on my character if some mother fucker came up to me and tell me that my friend was heard talking shit about me, I would have confronted that friend directly because thats how fucking loyal and trusting I am to my friends and I rather hear the truth from them. I heard her with my own two ears ok??? So don't take me like this bitch Yanping who listens to gossip easily.

So I had a talk with both my really close friends, Bun and Chuan. I didn't want to eat with Yanping anymore and I wanted to see if I should just ask her to fuck off. So Bun or Chuan suggested that it wasn't a good idea to confront her. So I told them that if Yanping sat with us, I will move away. Because I do not want to be friends with a two faced backstabbing bitch.

When recess came, we sat down and was eating when Yanping came to join us, so I stood up and moved away from her and sat at the opposite table (or  table beside la, i dont remember) so naturally, bun and chuan followed me (coz who wants to have lunch with a two face chibai) and I think Joey and Irene did too. So I guess I sort of humiliated her in that way that everyone who knew us was watching or have noticed?? I d k. I just felt that if I had instead confronted Yanping maybe she would have an excuse for it (which still wouldn't stop me from staying away from her) but maybe if I hadn't made the decision to move away from her at that lunch table. I would be saving myself so much drama in Secondary 5.

 Even though I want all my thoughts to be on here, I feel like I didn't need to clarify myself too much regarding this issue anymore. I ain't asking for forgiveness neither am I asking for an apology. I had spoke many shit about her and I'm pretty sure she has too. But to assume that everyday I go to school and talk about her to my friends.... is a little narcissistic.. like, my life doesn't revolve around you and YOU are the one who ruined our friendship first. So don't act like your name is innocently thrown into my friends'' circle as some sort of gossip thingy because we have much better things to talk about than you.

I also like to talk about this incident with Ryan who I don't know why, kaobeh  kaobu me in S5 that "this type of person should go to ITE instead of coming to S5".

Dear Ryan, I got 15 points for my L1R4 for my N levels. May I ask how much u got? The cut off point to go to sec 5 is below 19 points. So if you think I should go to ITE instead of coming to S5, maybe now is not too late for you to write to MOE so they can revise to let people with 14 points and below to go to S5 instead. I am pretty sure you and half of the class wouldn't even make it to S5. Thanks.

I wanted to post these above for SOOOO long but I was so self-conscious at that point in my life that I didn't dare to post it and afterwards forgot all about it. I hope the 36 year old me, if ever one day read this post that she will be happy, healthier and would not have remembered these people who once ruined her day, 22 years ago.

I will be posting more (I hope) about any little bits of my life that I have been too afraid to post for the next few days. I hope I get through them all and I can share this blog post to people i love.