Things are impossible until they're not.
Boys think of girls just like books.
If the cover doesn't catch their eyes, they don't even bother to read what's inside.
Tell you what, i don't give a damn whether my cover is battered and tattered at all.
Coz you'll love me whether you like it . Or not.
There will always be a time where, you will find yourself in a position you might not like. But sometimes, its really very hard to get away from it. I won't hide or run anymore. Find me if you want. I did not do anything wrong. Neither would i want to get blamed just because YOU are the one who DISLIKE me. Im absolved. alright??
Oh and one thing i have to clarify today. its not my duty to please you, i can't make you like or hate me. I can't change just because you dislike the way i am now. Cause you know what? Maybe if you'll stop and think, the way you want me to be. Just might be disliked by others as well.
I learnt that, no matter what you say, there will be people who will try and prove you wrong.That no matter what you do, there will be people who will try and bring you down, that no matter where you go in life, there will always be someone to hurt you. I used to care a lot about what people thought of me, but then I learnt... that it is impossible to please everyone.
Some people will like me, and others will hate me. Either way I've learnt to accept that. If you hate me without a reason - fine. Don't expect me to change for you, or for anyone in fact. Why not YOU stop and think how imperfect You yourself are before pointing or lashing out at people's "flaws"?
p/s Don't just talk about my flaws. The only one who can criticize me, must be perfect.
Are you?
We've come one full circle haven't we?
I always knew what I wanted as a kid.
I wouldn't say I know exactly what I want, but I always had a strong sense of self and even hearing opinions from other people, I sometimes, just know, exactly what I want to do with my life or what I want to do from here on out.
I once read a quote saying " Never regret what you had done, because at that point in your life, it was exactly what you wanted"
I have a few quotes which I live by in my life and I try to live by these principles the best that I can.
I recently went back to study Early Childhood Care and Education.
Since young.. (probably when I was 6 or 7?) I knew I wanted to be a teacher. What teacher specifically, I do not know. However, when I was in kindergarten, I had horrible experiences with teachers.
I remember being teased by my classmates for having big nostrils and when I cried, my teacher said - in front of the whole class- that it was because I had a big and ugly nose! Imagine telling that to a 6 year old and even worse, in front of the whole class! I never felt so humiliated! (ok, I couldnt remember what I felt exactly, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling anyways,)
I also remembered another teacher who thrives on tormenting us, I remember my friends and I wouldn't dare mutter a word in front of this teacher and when my younger brother was brought into my class as he had diarrhea and my parents were coming to fetch the both of us together, the teacher goaded me into looking at my brother and then yelled at me for not paying attention in class. I remember all the pity looks my classmates shot at me.
As I mentioned before, I had always been a person who has a clear shot of what she want. - albeit if it is a wrong thing to do- I'll still do it because I am always an action first, think later kind of girl.
This caused my name to be very famous among the teachers. The troublemaker. Especially when my older sister is known to be very quiet and good in nature. I am very boisterous and loud.
I don't know what exactly I did, but I do know that teachers who got me in their classes disliked me immediately even if I did not do anything wrong. (I'm not trying to justify that I did nothing wrong, but really, how bad can an 8 year old be?)
I remember I hated science and maths, and I would not sit still or listen in class, so my teacher made me sit beside this quiet girl. I started to pay attention in class (finally!) when I realised that the girl beside me was on the wrong page. I told her that she was on the wrong page and said " Doesn't mean you don't make noise means you are paying attention in class, right? " . She laughed and I did too.
The teacher - seriously they are SOOO obsessed with me- immediately shouted " PANG SHI QI! I PUT YOU THERE YOU STILL CAN TALK??? GO OUT AND STAND!"
I really rather stand outside than hear her yapping so I just left the classroom with a newfound disdain for teachers.
Even when playing with friends, teachers who never taught me would still single me out from my friends and punish me, any little wrong things, as long as I was around the site of "accident" , I am definitely the one to be blamed.
Until I met Mr Zaid, Mr Foo and Ms Ho when I was in Primary Six. They are young teachers in training, and their approach to me was very different from the others. They talk to me, they ask me questions like, why did I smash the water bottle down the girl's back? (In my 12 year old mind, the girl deserved it because I heard her trash talking about me). Anyway, they obviously told me I can't hit someone if they said bad things about me etc. I became really good friends with Mr Zaid, Mr Foo and Ms Ho. Mr Zaid even wanted to make me a prefect - to my horror!-
Now, you may think, what about my parents? Do they just let me do whatever I want to do? You're wrong. My parents always cane me whenever we come back from the principal's office. Once, after giving me a huge beating, my mother broke down and cried. I guess, going down to the principal's office three times a week can really break a person. I felt immense guilt for making my mother feel that way, but I never know why teachers "pick on me" all the time, when I am just doing what I think was right. I never hit someone or do bad things on purpose for hurting someone. In my mind, I was defending myself or just having fun with my friends.
I never hated my parents, every caning I get, I hate teachers even more, and in turn, I do worse things. (I once threw a pair of scissors at my teacher).
As I grow older, looking back, I really still hated these teachers. I was just a little kid. Is there a need for them to do what they did? They are TEACHERS. Aren't they supposed to have more love? More compassion for a child?
I remember pretending to be a teacher and helping my brother with his spelling and conduct lessons with my dolls. Looking at these so called "teachers" around me, I stopped wanting to be a teacher and I put this dream of mine on hold.
When I was in secondary school, my mistrust of teachers still followed me and I never trusted or liked teachers.
I was in Secondary One, when my teacher just pinned the blame on me without listening to any of my explanations.
I remember, I was drumming the table, and the boys behind me banging the table, when one girl turned, and saw me doing it. When another teacher complained about me for something I did do wrong about, my form teacher, the supposedly, very loving, caring and experienced, Mrs Seow (or was it Mrs Siow?) .
I tried to explain that I drummed the table lightly. but Mrs Seow's argument was " Did you or did you not knock on the table?" ... Ok lor, since she just want to find someone to blame then what else can I say? I was reminded of all the teachers I had when I was in primary school. They don't want the truth, they just want someone they can blame and in turn protect their rice bowl.
And the supposedly LOVING, CARING TEACHERS decided to blame it on a child.
How sad is that?
You can argue that I was a troublemaker. I am not going to deny it. But I AM A CHILD FOR GOODNESS SAKE! ALSO, YOU ARE NOT JUST AN ADULT, YOU ARE A TEACHER.
I had great teachers as I got older, Mr Seow, Ms Eng, Mr Marcus Chan, Mr YT Foo, Mr Tan PH are the few who are great teachers. I wouldn't say I really liked any of them particularly because my trust for any teachers were zero. Even good teachers, I just don't want to trust that they have my interest at heart. I just don't believe in it anymore.
I also want to apologize to my secondary school teachers. They really did nothing wrong, I just have hatred for teachers because of my experience in Kindergarten and Primary School. I really had nothing against my other teachers except for the hatred of teachers in my heart.
It wasn't easy when I also realised that I don't have a great first impression on others- My first impression is not good at all.
I had a teacher in ITE who once used to pick on me very often and when we became cool with each other he asked me if I knew I had a bad first impression on others. I thought about it and agreed with him. But I also said : "If you decide to dislike me based on my first impression and don't want me in any part of your life, then, aren't you the one denying yourself to know the person? "
He also agreed with me. So I guess we didn't get anywhere with that topic.
I enrolled into Early Childhood Education in Bishan ITE because I decided if I have such a twisted mindset about teacher because of the teachers in Kindergarten then, shouldn't I continue in that direction and make a better place for these children? I had a cousin during this time when I was about 17 and I realised that I am really good with kids.
One example was when my cousin (3 years old?) threw the pillow to the floor, I calmly told him to put it back and a pillow was for grandma's back on the sofa, not for him to throw on the floor. He screamed and shouted and cried and yelled and threw more pillows off the sofa. I was really calm and I just kept calmly telling him to put it back nicely. After about 3 hours of his yelling and my calm talking, he decided to put the pillow back on the sofa nicely and he never throw it off the sofa ever again.
I wondered if I, a troublemaker, noisy, boisterous, 17 year old can handle a screaming , crying , yelling three year old for 3 hours, what the hell was wrong with my teachers??
I had the same drama when I was in Bishan ITE, whatever I said, my teachers interpret in the wrong way. I remember the teacher specifically asking if we can or cannot use physical punishments on our child. I think I strongly voiced out that we can. Afterall, I was "brutally abused" by my parents and I turn out fine. I wasn't a murderer, psychopath or have self esteem issues.
The teacher - after a heated discussion with the class- glared at me and said coldly " We never ever lay a hand on the children in our class'
UHM? I thought the topic was if we would use physical punishments on our OWN child??? (confused 18 year old mind lol. )
Anyway, the teacher and a few other Childhood Education teachers probably gossiped about me. I don't mind teachers discussing their students, but then all of them suddenly had something against me.
I was reminded again, how disgusting Early Childhood Educators were. They claimed they love kids, but they cannot accept a views of an 18 year old teenager. How Ironic. I didn't want to learn from teachers like these and decided to withdraw from my course.
Who knew, at 26 , I'd come full circle and want to become a Childcare Educator myself...?
I guess, I cannot change the mindset of these teachers who in some way or other , for reason I cannot fathom decided to hold a grudge against a child. But I decide that I don't want to be like them and I really want to believe there are good teachers who genuinely care for the children.
To all my previous teachers, I'm sorry, it was never personal.
To my future teachers, let's truly love and care for our kids.
I wouldn't say I know exactly what I want, but I always had a strong sense of self and even hearing opinions from other people, I sometimes, just know, exactly what I want to do with my life or what I want to do from here on out.
I once read a quote saying " Never regret what you had done, because at that point in your life, it was exactly what you wanted"
I have a few quotes which I live by in my life and I try to live by these principles the best that I can.
I recently went back to study Early Childhood Care and Education.
Since young.. (probably when I was 6 or 7?) I knew I wanted to be a teacher. What teacher specifically, I do not know. However, when I was in kindergarten, I had horrible experiences with teachers.
I remember being teased by my classmates for having big nostrils and when I cried, my teacher said - in front of the whole class- that it was because I had a big and ugly nose! Imagine telling that to a 6 year old and even worse, in front of the whole class! I never felt so humiliated! (ok, I couldnt remember what I felt exactly, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling anyways,)
I also remembered another teacher who thrives on tormenting us, I remember my friends and I wouldn't dare mutter a word in front of this teacher and when my younger brother was brought into my class as he had diarrhea and my parents were coming to fetch the both of us together, the teacher goaded me into looking at my brother and then yelled at me for not paying attention in class. I remember all the pity looks my classmates shot at me.
As I mentioned before, I had always been a person who has a clear shot of what she want. - albeit if it is a wrong thing to do- I'll still do it because I am always an action first, think later kind of girl.
This caused my name to be very famous among the teachers. The troublemaker. Especially when my older sister is known to be very quiet and good in nature. I am very boisterous and loud.
I don't know what exactly I did, but I do know that teachers who got me in their classes disliked me immediately even if I did not do anything wrong. (I'm not trying to justify that I did nothing wrong, but really, how bad can an 8 year old be?)
I remember I hated science and maths, and I would not sit still or listen in class, so my teacher made me sit beside this quiet girl. I started to pay attention in class (finally!) when I realised that the girl beside me was on the wrong page. I told her that she was on the wrong page and said " Doesn't mean you don't make noise means you are paying attention in class, right? " . She laughed and I did too.
The teacher - seriously they are SOOO obsessed with me- immediately shouted " PANG SHI QI! I PUT YOU THERE YOU STILL CAN TALK??? GO OUT AND STAND!"
I really rather stand outside than hear her yapping so I just left the classroom with a newfound disdain for teachers.
Even when playing with friends, teachers who never taught me would still single me out from my friends and punish me, any little wrong things, as long as I was around the site of "accident" , I am definitely the one to be blamed.
Until I met Mr Zaid, Mr Foo and Ms Ho when I was in Primary Six. They are young teachers in training, and their approach to me was very different from the others. They talk to me, they ask me questions like, why did I smash the water bottle down the girl's back? (In my 12 year old mind, the girl deserved it because I heard her trash talking about me). Anyway, they obviously told me I can't hit someone if they said bad things about me etc. I became really good friends with Mr Zaid, Mr Foo and Ms Ho. Mr Zaid even wanted to make me a prefect - to my horror!-
Now, you may think, what about my parents? Do they just let me do whatever I want to do? You're wrong. My parents always cane me whenever we come back from the principal's office. Once, after giving me a huge beating, my mother broke down and cried. I guess, going down to the principal's office three times a week can really break a person. I felt immense guilt for making my mother feel that way, but I never know why teachers "pick on me" all the time, when I am just doing what I think was right. I never hit someone or do bad things on purpose for hurting someone. In my mind, I was defending myself or just having fun with my friends.
I never hated my parents, every caning I get, I hate teachers even more, and in turn, I do worse things. (I once threw a pair of scissors at my teacher).
As I grow older, looking back, I really still hated these teachers. I was just a little kid. Is there a need for them to do what they did? They are TEACHERS. Aren't they supposed to have more love? More compassion for a child?
I remember pretending to be a teacher and helping my brother with his spelling and conduct lessons with my dolls. Looking at these so called "teachers" around me, I stopped wanting to be a teacher and I put this dream of mine on hold.
When I was in secondary school, my mistrust of teachers still followed me and I never trusted or liked teachers.
I was in Secondary One, when my teacher just pinned the blame on me without listening to any of my explanations.
I remember, I was drumming the table, and the boys behind me banging the table, when one girl turned, and saw me doing it. When another teacher complained about me for something I did do wrong about, my form teacher, the supposedly, very loving, caring and experienced, Mrs Seow (or was it Mrs Siow?) .
I tried to explain that I drummed the table lightly. but Mrs Seow's argument was " Did you or did you not knock on the table?" ... Ok lor, since she just want to find someone to blame then what else can I say? I was reminded of all the teachers I had when I was in primary school. They don't want the truth, they just want someone they can blame and in turn protect their rice bowl.
And the supposedly LOVING, CARING TEACHERS decided to blame it on a child.
How sad is that?
You can argue that I was a troublemaker. I am not going to deny it. But I AM A CHILD FOR GOODNESS SAKE! ALSO, YOU ARE NOT JUST AN ADULT, YOU ARE A TEACHER.
I had great teachers as I got older, Mr Seow, Ms Eng, Mr Marcus Chan, Mr YT Foo, Mr Tan PH are the few who are great teachers. I wouldn't say I really liked any of them particularly because my trust for any teachers were zero. Even good teachers, I just don't want to trust that they have my interest at heart. I just don't believe in it anymore.
I also want to apologize to my secondary school teachers. They really did nothing wrong, I just have hatred for teachers because of my experience in Kindergarten and Primary School. I really had nothing against my other teachers except for the hatred of teachers in my heart.
It wasn't easy when I also realised that I don't have a great first impression on others- My first impression is not good at all.
I had a teacher in ITE who once used to pick on me very often and when we became cool with each other he asked me if I knew I had a bad first impression on others. I thought about it and agreed with him. But I also said : "If you decide to dislike me based on my first impression and don't want me in any part of your life, then, aren't you the one denying yourself to know the person? "
He also agreed with me. So I guess we didn't get anywhere with that topic.
I enrolled into Early Childhood Education in Bishan ITE because I decided if I have such a twisted mindset about teacher because of the teachers in Kindergarten then, shouldn't I continue in that direction and make a better place for these children? I had a cousin during this time when I was about 17 and I realised that I am really good with kids.
One example was when my cousin (3 years old?) threw the pillow to the floor, I calmly told him to put it back and a pillow was for grandma's back on the sofa, not for him to throw on the floor. He screamed and shouted and cried and yelled and threw more pillows off the sofa. I was really calm and I just kept calmly telling him to put it back nicely. After about 3 hours of his yelling and my calm talking, he decided to put the pillow back on the sofa nicely and he never throw it off the sofa ever again.
I wondered if I, a troublemaker, noisy, boisterous, 17 year old can handle a screaming , crying , yelling three year old for 3 hours, what the hell was wrong with my teachers??
I had the same drama when I was in Bishan ITE, whatever I said, my teachers interpret in the wrong way. I remember the teacher specifically asking if we can or cannot use physical punishments on our child. I think I strongly voiced out that we can. Afterall, I was "brutally abused" by my parents and I turn out fine. I wasn't a murderer, psychopath or have self esteem issues.
The teacher - after a heated discussion with the class- glared at me and said coldly " We never ever lay a hand on the children in our class'
UHM? I thought the topic was if we would use physical punishments on our OWN child??? (confused 18 year old mind lol. )
Anyway, the teacher and a few other Childhood Education teachers probably gossiped about me. I don't mind teachers discussing their students, but then all of them suddenly had something against me.
I was reminded again, how disgusting Early Childhood Educators were. They claimed they love kids, but they cannot accept a views of an 18 year old teenager. How Ironic. I didn't want to learn from teachers like these and decided to withdraw from my course.
Who knew, at 26 , I'd come full circle and want to become a Childcare Educator myself...?
I guess, I cannot change the mindset of these teachers who in some way or other , for reason I cannot fathom decided to hold a grudge against a child. But I decide that I don't want to be like them and I really want to believe there are good teachers who genuinely care for the children.
To all my previous teachers, I'm sorry, it was never personal.
To my future teachers, let's truly love and care for our kids.
天下无不散之筵席
There are just some people in your life when you feel that, “ok this is enough, i need to remove them from my life now.”
Along the way you’ll find that some people just don’t make the effort anymore to see you anymore. You’ll find out one day you’re just no longer their priority anymore. For the longest time, I hadn’t wanted to face that feeling and I have always tried to make things work.
有些东西真的失去了就没有了，不管你再怎么努力再怎么挽留，该走的人迟早都会找到他的出路的。
其实我也没有那么多感触或感觉。人离离合合是非常普遍的事情。现在在我身边的朋友我也在想他们几时会离我而去。其实没什么不好的。人在寻找自己的道路上也有一些朋友他们需要留下的。有些朋友你能带着一路上走，有些朋友你就要放手。
不是你不重要只是你已不是我优先的选择了。
希望我们在以后的道路上能再次相遇。而现在在我身边的朋友们不会忘了我。
Along the way you’ll find that some people just don’t make the effort anymore to see you anymore. You’ll find out one day you’re just no longer their priority anymore. For the longest time, I hadn’t wanted to face that feeling and I have always tried to make things work.
有些东西真的失去了就没有了，不管你再怎么努力再怎么挽留，该走的人迟早都会找到他的出路的。
其实我也没有那么多感触或感觉。人离离合合是非常普遍的事情。现在在我身边的朋友我也在想他们几时会离我而去。其实没什么不好的。人在寻找自己的道路上也有一些朋友他们需要留下的。有些朋友你能带着一路上走，有些朋友你就要放手。
不是你不重要只是你已不是我优先的选择了。
希望我们在以后的道路上能再次相遇。而现在在我身边的朋友们不会忘了我。
久违了。。
I never felt that I am a good person, or exceptionally kind, well nature.
I never lacked suitors when I was younger, and prettier and I always felt that the people around me are the kind hearted ones that 包容我的缺点。
So it got me thinking, if you're a sucky person, as long as you are pretty, you will confirm have friends? So if you are super kind hearted, but super freakishly ugly, does your appearance stopped you from having any kind of friendship?
我一直都觉得长得好看的人，性格其实都会比较好的。因为他们不需要面对别人的丑恶。每个人都想讨好那个长得好看的人。所以好看的人通常性格会比较好。
相反的，如果一个人长得很丑，他每次被人取笑，没人愿意和他做朋友，那么他看见别人内心的丑陋，自己内心也会不平衡，不完美，性格也会有很大的缺陷。
I'm not talking about the averagely good looking, or the kind of people whose prettiness is subjective. I am talking about people who are very pretty or handsome in general. Those are the people who are like, super nice.
Or those super naive ones like my uncle. not clever enough to plot something sinister.
Family Whistle
I don't know if I ever mentioned this before, but my dad used to whistle a short tune whenever he returns home from work and upon hearing that note, my siblings and I know that our dad is home.
I don''t know how it happened but this little whistle note has been ingrained in our brains since we are young (you can say we were brain washed) lol.
Anyway, now that we are all adults, and even during our teenage years, whenever we went to a function or any big enclosed space with our dad, and he wants to leave or speak to us or anything at all, he just whistle and we (my siblings and I ) will acknowledge it. Either by looking for him or going to him.
I had this brief discussion with my sister before, about a week ago and we both agreed we felt like pets that react to something their owners say or do.
Like my cat Oreo, he knows "mum mum"means food and "down" when we want him of tabletops. He also selects who he "ärgues" with when he does not want to get off the tables. (Mostly Me. Because I let him get away with it) - I can't help it he looks soooo cute when he meows and "begs" to stay up on the table top.
I digress.
Anyway, I think it's a great way to bond between family members with a sort of "secret code" where only the family members know of.
My dad has parenting done right since day 1.
I don''t know how it happened but this little whistle note has been ingrained in our brains since we are young (you can say we were brain washed) lol.
Anyway, now that we are all adults, and even during our teenage years, whenever we went to a function or any big enclosed space with our dad, and he wants to leave or speak to us or anything at all, he just whistle and we (my siblings and I ) will acknowledge it. Either by looking for him or going to him.
I had this brief discussion with my sister before, about a week ago and we both agreed we felt like pets that react to something their owners say or do.
Like my cat Oreo, he knows "mum mum"means food and "down" when we want him of tabletops. He also selects who he "ärgues" with when he does not want to get off the tables. (Mostly Me. Because I let him get away with it) - I can't help it he looks soooo cute when he meows and "begs" to stay up on the table top.
I digress.
Anyway, I think it's a great way to bond between family members with a sort of "secret code" where only the family members know of.
My dad has parenting done right since day 1.
11 years + 1 day
I would like to clarify for my previous post, I did not hold a grudge and decided to post about it 11 years later. I just read my old blog posts and realized i kept hinting at stuff like, this bitch today in sku! and that guy who said this to me!
I just wanted to post right now- is because I felt that I didn't want anyone to be clueless about who I am talking about when they decide to read my blog or get to know who I am.
Anyway, growing up I realised that there are many things I wish I could have done differently when I was a child. But never have I ever regretted any of my decision, I hope one day, my readers will also not regret what they have chosen.
It is ok to listen to advice, and listen to both sides presenting the best they can, research extensively and everything is easy to check online.
Just make sure that at the end of the day, you make your own decisions in your life, and no one is deciding for you.
I just wanted to post right now- is because I felt that I didn't want anyone to be clueless about who I am talking about when they decide to read my blog or get to know who I am.
Anyway, growing up I realised that there are many things I wish I could have done differently when I was a child. But never have I ever regretted any of my decision, I hope one day, my readers will also not regret what they have chosen.
It is ok to listen to advice, and listen to both sides presenting the best they can, research extensively and everything is easy to check online.
Just make sure that at the end of the day, you make your own decisions in your life, and no one is deciding for you.
Scattered Thoughts
First off, I hate to admit it but I am not someone who is good at writing down anything that happened in my life, or I thought I'm not.
I recently went to re-read some of my old blog posts (from about 11 years ago) @ your-punyboxers@bs.com .
And I realized how candid and open I was about writing about what happened in my life, the friends I met and the things we did.
I just realized that I have grown up and am more cautious about the things I say or share online. I did read what I posted when I was a teenager but I decided to open a new blog account (which is this) so I won't have to bear the shame of my previous (really embarrassing) posts to be seen by everyone who knows me from today onward.
Yesterday I decided to archive everything I have from my old blog and put them here, hence you can see the archives dated from 2007 to now.
I guess I am at this age where I no longer feel that the younger, crazier part of myself was an embarrassment. I also feel that so what if this stupid bitch who I had petty squabbles with in secondary 5 sees or is still stalking my blog?
Do I really give a shit about her opinions?
Well, I never have and I never really will, anyway.
I still don't like her and would still probably react childishly if I ever see her again. Not because I am such an evil or unforgiving person, it's because I felt that I never clarified with her before where our friendship was headed and I chose a very selfish and convenient way to cut her out of my life. Maybe she was hurt by my actions and want to "revenge"me in a way, but I guess, we were both young and 17. We didn't know better.... Doesn't mean I will like her any more or less now that so much time has passed.
I always thought about how the situation between us would have been different if I didn't do what I did.
If anyone who is still bothering to read my blog. I want to say that, I don't have any problems with anyone anymore at this stage, but as I read my old posts, and realized how candid i once was, i don't want to read this post 11 years later and not know who or what I am talking about (as with what is happening for my recent posts).
So... to people who don't know what happened, I had a major fight/quarrel/squabble with this girl named Yanping in Seconday 5. We were friends before that until I chose to do something which effectively ended that friendship. Ironically, she always felt that I was laughing or gossiping about her. (self-centered much?)
I first saw Yanping when I was in Secondary 2? I always noticed that she wasn't with the other girls or that she is really quiet. My first thought was that she is a little retarded. (LOL). I mean, she has this really big innocent eyes and always look so fucking lost, so you can't really blame me for thinking that she is a bit slow.... mentally.... ok? Hhahaha
Well I have never been a kind person, yet I have never been someone who can leave a person there by themselves... Alone.
So I remember I decided to befriend her and I also remember me approaching and getting to know her.
I don't really know what we did together but we were at least known companion and at least didn't dislike each other as far as I could feel or tell.
I don't remember if it was in Sec 3 or Sec 4 when I was in chinese class and YuanXiang that mother fucker start to make fun of me again. So I heard Yanping saying something like, Ïf you hate her so much, why don't u get someone to go down whack her ?"which YX did not reply to. (Side note: His friends are my friends how is he gonna ask our mutual friends to whack me, may I ask?) , so he kinda ignored her and pretended not to hear her while continuing throwing snide remarks at me. Damn childish. Anyway, she repeated her question a few times when she then dumbly realised that he is ignoring her on purpose.
So before this I once heard her questioning YX if the story I said that he liked me in P3 and I liked him in P4 was a lie. Like, I was 13 and confided in Wanting or Whitney about this. Why the fuck should I lie? Your boyfriend so ugly you also like him now right, and considering I was never as ugly as your boyfriend, I don't get why must it be a lie that YX was attracted to me????
I swear I am not angry or upset anymore but mentioning it again I would get a little more agitated ok?
-.-
Anyway, I felt super hurt by her actions because I thought we were friends or that I was the one who approached her and be friends with her when none of my clique give a shit about this big eyed retarded looking chibai. And here she is eating lunch with me and my friends laughing with us while talking shit about me when she thought I wouldn't hear it.
Also no, don't ask me if I heard it from someone else, based on my character if some mother fucker came up to me and tell me that my friend was heard talking shit about me, I would have confronted that friend directly because thats how fucking loyal and trusting I am to my friends and I rather hear the truth from them. I heard her with my own two ears ok??? So don't take me like this bitch Yanping who listens to gossip easily.
So I had a talk with both my really close friends, Bun and Chuan. I didn't want to eat with Yanping anymore and I wanted to see if I should just ask her to fuck off. So Bun or Chuan suggested that it wasn't a good idea to confront her. So I told them that if Yanping sat with us, I will move away. Because I do not want to be friends with a two faced backstabbing bitch.
When recess came, we sat down and was eating when Yanping came to join us, so I stood up and moved away from her and sat at the opposite table (or table beside la, i dont remember) so naturally, bun and chuan followed me (coz who wants to have lunch with a two face chibai) and I think Joey and Irene did too. So I guess I sort of humiliated her in that way that everyone who knew us was watching or have noticed?? I d k. I just felt that if I had instead confronted Yanping maybe she would have an excuse for it (which still wouldn't stop me from staying away from her) but maybe if I hadn't made the decision to move away from her at that lunch table. I would be saving myself so much drama in Secondary 5.
Even though I want all my thoughts to be on here, I feel like I didn't need to clarify myself too much regarding this issue anymore. I ain't asking for forgiveness neither am I asking for an apology. I had spoke many shit about her and I'm pretty sure she has too. But to assume that everyday I go to school and talk about her to my friends.... is a little narcissistic.. like, my life doesn't revolve around you and YOU are the one who ruined our friendship first. So don't act like your name is innocently thrown into my friends'' circle as some sort of gossip thingy because we have much better things to talk about than you.
I also like to talk about this incident with Ryan who I don't know why, kaobeh kaobu me in S5 that "this type of person should go to ITE instead of coming to S5".
Dear Ryan, I got 15 points for my L1R4 for my N levels. May I ask how much u got? The cut off point to go to sec 5 is below 19 points. So if you think I should go to ITE instead of coming to S5, maybe now is not too late for you to write to MOE so they can revise to let people with 14 points and below to go to S5 instead. I am pretty sure you and half of the class wouldn't even make it to S5. Thanks.
I wanted to post these above for SOOOO long but I was so self-conscious at that point in my life that I didn't dare to post it and afterwards forgot all about it. I hope the 36 year old me, if ever one day read this post that she will be happy, healthier and would not have remembered these people who once ruined her day, 22 years ago.
I will be posting more (I hope) about any little bits of my life that I have been too afraid to post for the next few days. I hope I get through them all and I can share this blog post to people i love.
I recently went to re-read some of my old blog posts (from about 11 years ago) @ your-punyboxers@bs.com .
And I realized how candid and open I was about writing about what happened in my life, the friends I met and the things we did.
I just realized that I have grown up and am more cautious about the things I say or share online. I did read what I posted when I was a teenager but I decided to open a new blog account (which is this) so I won't have to bear the shame of my previous (really embarrassing) posts to be seen by everyone who knows me from today onward.
Yesterday I decided to archive everything I have from my old blog and put them here, hence you can see the archives dated from 2007 to now.
I guess I am at this age where I no longer feel that the younger, crazier part of myself was an embarrassment. I also feel that so what if this stupid bitch who I had petty squabbles with in secondary 5 sees or is still stalking my blog?
Do I really give a shit about her opinions?
Well, I never have and I never really will, anyway.
I still don't like her and would still probably react childishly if I ever see her again. Not because I am such an evil or unforgiving person, it's because I felt that I never clarified with her before where our friendship was headed and I chose a very selfish and convenient way to cut her out of my life. Maybe she was hurt by my actions and want to "revenge"me in a way, but I guess, we were both young and 17. We didn't know better.... Doesn't mean I will like her any more or less now that so much time has passed.
I always thought about how the situation between us would have been different if I didn't do what I did.
If anyone who is still bothering to read my blog. I want to say that, I don't have any problems with anyone anymore at this stage, but as I read my old posts, and realized how candid i once was, i don't want to read this post 11 years later and not know who or what I am talking about (as with what is happening for my recent posts).
So... to people who don't know what happened, I had a major fight/quarrel/squabble with this girl named Yanping in Seconday 5. We were friends before that until I chose to do something which effectively ended that friendship. Ironically, she always felt that I was laughing or gossiping about her. (self-centered much?)
I first saw Yanping when I was in Secondary 2? I always noticed that she wasn't with the other girls or that she is really quiet. My first thought was that she is a little retarded. (LOL). I mean, she has this really big innocent eyes and always look so fucking lost, so you can't really blame me for thinking that she is a bit slow.... mentally.... ok? Hhahaha
Well I have never been a kind person, yet I have never been someone who can leave a person there by themselves... Alone.
So I remember I decided to befriend her and I also remember me approaching and getting to know her.
I don't really know what we did together but we were at least known companion and at least didn't dislike each other as far as I could feel or tell.
I don't remember if it was in Sec 3 or Sec 4 when I was in chinese class and YuanXiang that mother fucker start to make fun of me again. So I heard Yanping saying something like, Ïf you hate her so much, why don't u get someone to go down whack her ?"which YX did not reply to. (Side note: His friends are my friends how is he gonna ask our mutual friends to whack me, may I ask?) , so he kinda ignored her and pretended not to hear her while continuing throwing snide remarks at me. Damn childish. Anyway, she repeated her question a few times when she then dumbly realised that he is ignoring her on purpose.
So before this I once heard her questioning YX if the story I said that he liked me in P3 and I liked him in P4 was a lie. Like, I was 13 and confided in Wanting or Whitney about this. Why the fuck should I lie? Your boyfriend so ugly you also like him now right, and considering I was never as ugly as your boyfriend, I don't get why must it be a lie that YX was attracted to me????
I swear I am not angry or upset anymore but mentioning it again I would get a little more agitated ok?
-.-
Anyway, I felt super hurt by her actions because I thought we were friends or that I was the one who approached her and be friends with her when none of my clique give a shit about this big eyed retarded looking chibai. And here she is eating lunch with me and my friends laughing with us while talking shit about me when she thought I wouldn't hear it.
Also no, don't ask me if I heard it from someone else, based on my character if some mother fucker came up to me and tell me that my friend was heard talking shit about me, I would have confronted that friend directly because thats how fucking loyal and trusting I am to my friends and I rather hear the truth from them. I heard her with my own two ears ok??? So don't take me like this bitch Yanping who listens to gossip easily.
So I had a talk with both my really close friends, Bun and Chuan. I didn't want to eat with Yanping anymore and I wanted to see if I should just ask her to fuck off. So Bun or Chuan suggested that it wasn't a good idea to confront her. So I told them that if Yanping sat with us, I will move away. Because I do not want to be friends with a two faced backstabbing bitch.
When recess came, we sat down and was eating when Yanping came to join us, so I stood up and moved away from her and sat at the opposite table (or table beside la, i dont remember) so naturally, bun and chuan followed me (coz who wants to have lunch with a two face chibai) and I think Joey and Irene did too. So I guess I sort of humiliated her in that way that everyone who knew us was watching or have noticed?? I d k. I just felt that if I had instead confronted Yanping maybe she would have an excuse for it (which still wouldn't stop me from staying away from her) but maybe if I hadn't made the decision to move away from her at that lunch table. I would be saving myself so much drama in Secondary 5.
Even though I want all my thoughts to be on here, I feel like I didn't need to clarify myself too much regarding this issue anymore. I ain't asking for forgiveness neither am I asking for an apology. I had spoke many shit about her and I'm pretty sure she has too. But to assume that everyday I go to school and talk about her to my friends.... is a little narcissistic.. like, my life doesn't revolve around you and YOU are the one who ruined our friendship first. So don't act like your name is innocently thrown into my friends'' circle as some sort of gossip thingy because we have much better things to talk about than you.
I also like to talk about this incident with Ryan who I don't know why, kaobeh kaobu me in S5 that "this type of person should go to ITE instead of coming to S5".
Dear Ryan, I got 15 points for my L1R4 for my N levels. May I ask how much u got? The cut off point to go to sec 5 is below 19 points. So if you think I should go to ITE instead of coming to S5, maybe now is not too late for you to write to MOE so they can revise to let people with 14 points and below to go to S5 instead. I am pretty sure you and half of the class wouldn't even make it to S5. Thanks.
I wanted to post these above for SOOOO long but I was so self-conscious at that point in my life that I didn't dare to post it and afterwards forgot all about it. I hope the 36 year old me, if ever one day read this post that she will be happy, healthier and would not have remembered these people who once ruined her day, 22 years ago.
I will be posting more (I hope) about any little bits of my life that I have been too afraid to post for the next few days. I hope I get through them all and I can share this blog post to people i love.
Woes Bemoan
So I have been working at a general help desk where people call in and I assist them in whatever stuff they are going through and help escalate it to the relevant department.
Some customers are damn nasty, they just scream and yell at ME. For no reason at all. Well, they do have a reason to yell when their orders did not arrive, or if they haven't got a call back in days... But hello? Please reserve your yelling and your rude ass comments to the relevant parties and not scream and shout at an innocent girl..... like me.
So this woman, ordered 5 boxes of supplies to be delivered yesterday, but she only got 1 box of it. So I informed her that I have to transfer her to the supplies department as I will not be able to know why the heck her supplies was not sent !
See? this is the kind of shit I have to go through everyday getting shit on by other people's mistake, which in this case, no mistake was made.
So this customer, which I will call her, an Ass(which is what she is hur hur), refused to be transferred, and start yelling in a high squeaky voice that she did not do anything wrong and therefore shall not be transferred to anyone, and that I should not push this issue to other departments.
What she failed to realise is, I also never do anything wrong wor. Now what for are you yelling at me for?
I never understood why anyone think that yelling at anyone will ever solve anything. Shouldn't they be old enough to know better than ... yelling?
Anyway, Ms Ass, demanded for her other 4 boxes to be delivered to her(and I would have if I could, believe me lady, I rather send you 10 boxes than have you yell rude and sarcastic things to me as if I don't understand english).
I kindly told her to please be on hold so I can check with the supplies team. My colleague from the other department, who i'll call her Ms Colleague from now on, told me to just transfer the call to her and let her handle Ms Ass.
So I went back on the line with Ms Ass and informed her that I would love to transfer her to Ms Colleague to assist her on her missing order.
Ms Ass was again telling me she wants her 4 boxes, that I was rude and unhelpful and demanded to know my name. So I provided her with the information and told her that I have to check with supplies team if they can send her the 4 boxes.
I went on the line with Ms Colleague again and was informed that, Ms Ass's supplies was not low and she does not need the additional 4 boxes of supplies.
And poor me have to inform Ms Ass who was yelling that her supplies is SUPER LOW.
In the end, I have to get Ms Colleague to call Ms Ass, who also yelled at Ms Colleague and demanded for 4 boxes of supplies.
Ms Colleague's Manager, Ms Manager decided to approve the sending of supplies.
Which I would like to specially mention to Ms Ass that, had she allowed me to transfer her call, she would not have wasted her own time, as I am a GENERAL CALL CENTRE. Even my manager cannot approve the sending of supplies.
I hope Ms Ass learns to let people transfer her phone calls from now on,also, that yelling and being an unreasonable pain in the ass gets you what you want.
Some customers are damn nasty, they just scream and yell at ME. For no reason at all. Well, they do have a reason to yell when their orders did not arrive, or if they haven't got a call back in days... But hello? Please reserve your yelling and your rude ass comments to the relevant parties and not scream and shout at an innocent girl..... like me.
So this woman, ordered 5 boxes of supplies to be delivered yesterday, but she only got 1 box of it. So I informed her that I have to transfer her to the supplies department as I will not be able to know why the heck her supplies was not sent !
See? this is the kind of shit I have to go through everyday getting shit on by other people's mistake, which in this case, no mistake was made.
So this customer, which I will call her, an Ass(which is what she is hur hur), refused to be transferred, and start yelling in a high squeaky voice that she did not do anything wrong and therefore shall not be transferred to anyone, and that I should not push this issue to other departments.
What she failed to realise is, I also never do anything wrong wor. Now what for are you yelling at me for?
I never understood why anyone think that yelling at anyone will ever solve anything. Shouldn't they be old enough to know better than ... yelling?
Anyway, Ms Ass, demanded for her other 4 boxes to be delivered to her(and I would have if I could, believe me lady, I rather send you 10 boxes than have you yell rude and sarcastic things to me as if I don't understand english).
I kindly told her to please be on hold so I can check with the supplies team. My colleague from the other department, who i'll call her Ms Colleague from now on, told me to just transfer the call to her and let her handle Ms Ass.
So I went back on the line with Ms Ass and informed her that I would love to transfer her to Ms Colleague to assist her on her missing order.
Ms Ass was again telling me she wants her 4 boxes, that I was rude and unhelpful and demanded to know my name. So I provided her with the information and told her that I have to check with supplies team if they can send her the 4 boxes.
I went on the line with Ms Colleague again and was informed that, Ms Ass's supplies was not low and she does not need the additional 4 boxes of supplies.
And poor me have to inform Ms Ass who was yelling that her supplies is SUPER LOW.
In the end, I have to get Ms Colleague to call Ms Ass, who also yelled at Ms Colleague and demanded for 4 boxes of supplies.
Ms Colleague's Manager, Ms Manager decided to approve the sending of supplies.
Which I would like to specially mention to Ms Ass that, had she allowed me to transfer her call, she would not have wasted her own time, as I am a GENERAL CALL CENTRE. Even my manager cannot approve the sending of supplies.
I hope Ms Ass learns to let people transfer her phone calls from now on,
You think your opinion matters?
I had a recent conversation with someone close to me, who is a huge worrywart and (in my opinion) care waaayy too much about what others think of him.
Me: If someone doesn't like me, it's their loss what why I care?
Him: But if someone doesn't like me, I want to know why so I won't do it again.
Me: But u never gonna please everyone, even if u changed based on a nobody's opinion, then you'll always change and never be happy.
Him: No, I won't change the way I treat him/her but lets say, A doesn't like me, I want to know why so I won't repeat it on B.
So we came to a conclusion that we both are not wrong. It's not in my nature to force someone on my opinion. But I cannot live caring about what every nobody thinks of me.
If my friend thinks that he wants to know exactly what he did wrong so he wouldn't do it again on someone new and offend the new person, then thats his perogative.
But I sure as hell, don't give a shit about whether you like me or not.
Maybe because I have really awesome friends and close people around me, wonderful people who knows what kind of personality I have and still stuck around.
So much so that I do not care about what other NEW people think about me.
(Note: I do make many new friends be it at work or at social events so I don't think theres anything wrong with me tbh.)
Also, you need to know that not everyone in the world is gonna get along, so if you meet 1 or 2 people who doesn't like how u eat or how u speak.
Then so be it. You don't live to please others.
I mean, if you don't like me just because of the way I talk, or the way I sit or the way I work, then that's your problem and you need to grow the fuck up and deal with it.
But that's you, I'm not gonna tell you what to do. You can continue to dislike me, it's never going to affect me.
People make the mistake of thinking that their opinion matters.
No it doesn't unless you're in class and your teacher asked you. If not, please keep your mouth shut and sit your ass down.
Do my opinion matter? No. If you think my piece on this is rubbish then that's fine for me. I don't care.
No one is gona think they are wrong, or that they are annoying and their opinion is stupid (like me, thats why i'm typing this)
So what makes u think that if you tell that person, the person will like/dislike you more? or that ther person will change?
You can argue that its "for their own good" but who the hell asked u to care for my well-being?
Argue and say that this is a dangerous way society is heading towards, a place where people only care about themselves.
No. I am not asking you to not care about people. I am asking you to care about that people that matters.
You want to care about what your colleague is feeling after getting a dressing down from the manager?
How about care about whether your dad is having a hard time at work today and if he needs extra cash for that old bed he has been sleeping on for the past 30 years?
You want to harp on the snide comment your colleague passed to you or think about how your husband/wife kissed you before leaving work today?
You want to care about your friend's friend getting a divorce, or care about your BFF's spat with her boyfriend?
You can argue and say marriage more important than qarrel with boyfriend what. Then that's your perogative, I am not questioning you nor trying to change your views.
But I am putting people closer to me, even closer to me. While people who come and go, I am treating them like footsteps in the sand.
It's YOUR choice who you want to care and concern about, and its also YOUR choice if you want to put negative or positive words in your heart.
Remember its YOUR choice and you are the only one who can make yourself happy.
Me: If someone doesn't like me, it's their loss what why I care?
Him: But if someone doesn't like me, I want to know why so I won't do it again.
Me: But u never gonna please everyone, even if u changed based on a nobody's opinion, then you'll always change and never be happy.
Him: No, I won't change the way I treat him/her but lets say, A doesn't like me, I want to know why so I won't repeat it on B.
So we came to a conclusion that we both are not wrong. It's not in my nature to force someone on my opinion. But I cannot live caring about what every nobody thinks of me.
If my friend thinks that he wants to know exactly what he did wrong so he wouldn't do it again on someone new and offend the new person, then thats his perogative.
But I sure as hell, don't give a shit about whether you like me or not.
Maybe because I have really awesome friends and close people around me, wonderful people who knows what kind of personality I have and still stuck around.
So much so that I do not care about what other NEW people think about me.
(Note: I do make many new friends be it at work or at social events so I don't think theres anything wrong with me tbh.)
Also, you need to know that not everyone in the world is gonna get along, so if you meet 1 or 2 people who doesn't like how u eat or how u speak.
Then so be it. You don't live to please others.
I mean, if you don't like me just because of the way I talk, or the way I sit or the way I work, then that's your problem and you need to grow the fuck up and deal with it.
But that's you, I'm not gonna tell you what to do. You can continue to dislike me, it's never going to affect me.
People make the mistake of thinking that their opinion matters.
No it doesn't unless you're in class and your teacher asked you. If not, please keep your mouth shut and sit your ass down.
Do my opinion matter? No. If you think my piece on this is rubbish then that's fine for me. I don't care.
No one is gona think they are wrong, or that they are annoying and their opinion is stupid (like me, thats why i'm typing this)
So what makes u think that if you tell that person, the person will like/dislike you more? or that ther person will change?
You can argue that its "for their own good" but who the hell asked u to care for my well-being?
Argue and say that this is a dangerous way society is heading towards, a place where people only care about themselves.
No. I am not asking you to not care about people. I am asking you to care about that people that matters.
You want to care about what your colleague is feeling after getting a dressing down from the manager?
How about care about whether your dad is having a hard time at work today and if he needs extra cash for that old bed he has been sleeping on for the past 30 years?
You want to harp on the snide comment your colleague passed to you or think about how your husband/wife kissed you before leaving work today?
You want to care about your friend's friend getting a divorce, or care about your BFF's spat with her boyfriend?
You can argue and say marriage more important than qarrel with boyfriend what. Then that's your perogative, I am not questioning you nor trying to change your views.
But I am putting people closer to me, even closer to me. While people who come and go, I am treating them like footsteps in the sand.
It's YOUR choice who you want to care and concern about, and its also YOUR choice if you want to put negative or positive words in your heart.
Remember its YOUR choice and you are the only one who can make yourself happy.
#LETBITTERPEOPLESTAYBITTERWITHOUTCONTAMINATINGYOURHEART
Respect
Had been sorting out my thoughts for the past few days.
Wanted to post yesterday but I didn't
because every single time I try to think of something to post,
everything just don't seem to fit or somethings are just not meant to be spoken.
Either way, you're going to be offended.
But still, I need to let go of this feeling.
so here goes..
I always.. feel that, respect is not something earned by a person,
or something you can get just by respecting another human being.
It is something you, yourself must have. (ie. Self-Respect)
There is no such thing as expecting people to give it to you, when you don't even respect yourself.
Know that boundary, and don't cross that line.
It is easier said then done, I, too, am learning to respect myself .
Wanted to post yesterday but I didn't
because every single time I try to think of something to post,
everything just don't seem to fit or somethings are just not meant to be spoken.
Either way, you're going to be offended.
But still, I need to let go of this feeling.
so here goes..
I always.. feel that, respect is not something earned by a person,
or something you can get just by respecting another human being.
It is something you, yourself must have. (ie. Self-Respect)
There is no such thing as expecting people to give it to you, when you don't even respect yourself.
Know that boundary, and don't cross that line.
It is easier said then done, I, too, am learning to respect myself .
Double Standards
Recently I have still been getting harassment PM and messages from Tzuyu "fans" and so called "ONCE" who are still beating me up about calling Tzuyu being "pretty with a stick personality".
Then I browse their profiles and see them calling TWICE "bitches"
"OMG THIS BITCH MESSING UP MY HEART!"
So... it's ok, and a "joke" to call Tzuyu a bitch but not ok to say she has a stick personality?
What the hell is wrong with young fans nowadays?
NEWSFLASH: It is not ok to call anyone a bitch. It is a highly offensive and hugely derogatory term.
Not that I am absolving myself for calling Tzuyu a "stick". I meant that as a joke for her stiff appearance on variety shows.
But somehow, my joke was distasteful, abhorrent and deemed "not a ONCE" or a "Tzuyu hater" but, if you call Tzuyu a bitch, you're a ONCE and a huge fan of TWICE?
Pardon me, but don't use the excuse that the person is obviously a fan for saying that Tzuyu messed with her heart. You don't get to call someone a bitch just because she messed up your heart.
So should my term have been
"That stick personality messed up my heart!!"
Would that make me a ONCE then? How is calling someone who have a stick personality any worse than calling someone a bitch??
Y'all prerogatives are seriously fucked up.
Then I browse their profiles and see them calling TWICE "bitches"
"OMG THIS BITCH MESSING UP MY HEART!"
So... it's ok, and a "joke" to call Tzuyu a bitch but not ok to say she has a stick personality?
What the hell is wrong with young fans nowadays?
NEWSFLASH: It is not ok to call anyone a bitch. It is a highly offensive and hugely derogatory term.
Not that I am absolving myself for calling Tzuyu a "stick". I meant that as a joke for her stiff appearance on variety shows.
But somehow, my joke was distasteful, abhorrent and deemed "not a ONCE" or a "Tzuyu hater" but, if you call Tzuyu a bitch, you're a ONCE and a huge fan of TWICE?
So should my term have been
"That stick personality messed up my heart!!"
Would that make me a ONCE then? How is calling someone who have a stick personality any worse than calling someone a bitch??
Y'all prerogatives are seriously fucked up.
Social Media
Today, for a brief few hours. I realized that there are many triggered and immature Kpop fans.
Last time, when an opinion is shared online, people will talk to you, ask you why you think that and then resolve the issue.
Now theres just scolding and life threats etc. Like, what makes you think its ok for you to threaten or bully someone else just because it is justified? If it is like this, then everyone should be bullied for bullying people because everyone is guilty of bullying/harassment.
I tried to defend myself , but the don't want the truth nor your apology. People these days are so toxic they just want someone that can rally against and make themselves feel good that other people share their deranged opinion.
A girl said I shouldn't mention Tzuyu's scandal because it's sensitive to them. The scandal was so blown up and out of control, it can easily be searchable on web. Honey, just because we don't talk about it doesnt mean it doesnt exist.
You talk like you, who defend tzuyu is a once. So people who don't defend tzuyu is naturally a hater?
You don't want me to talk about the scandal? I will talk about it here, on my blog.
Taiwan has never been acknowledged as a country. You can argue about anything else, but I am going by the world government standards.
Do I think Taiwan should be a country? Honestly, I am not a Taiwanese so it doesn't matter, but if their govt do passed a vote and they do voted that they want to be a country then I do support them. But right now, China do have a right to be angry. I am not from China, so who am I to say China cannot be upset?
Does Tzuyu deserve the hate? No.
Does Tzuyu deserve to get death threats sent at her? No.
Is she an innocent victim in the political war? Yes. Definitely.
If you agree with the three points of mine and then
1. Threaten me with death threats.
2. Send me hate messages
Then aren't you also a hypocrite? I don't think Tzuyu deserves the hate, and I myself, have never personally gave any one death threats on social media.
But if its Tzuyu, you guys say its unfair, she don't deserve it, she doesn't know what she was saying or doing.
But if it's some nobody you see on the internet, it is suddenly ok to spread hate and threaten that person's life?
Last time, when an opinion is shared online, people will talk to you, ask you why you think that and then resolve the issue.
Now theres just scolding and life threats etc. Like, what makes you think its ok for you to threaten or bully someone else just because it is justified? If it is like this, then everyone should be bullied for bullying people because everyone is guilty of bullying/harassment.
I tried to defend myself , but the don't want the truth nor your apology. People these days are so toxic they just want someone that can rally against and make themselves feel good that other people share their deranged opinion.
A girl said I shouldn't mention Tzuyu's scandal because it's sensitive to them. The scandal was so blown up and out of control, it can easily be searchable on web. Honey, just because we don't talk about it doesnt mean it doesnt exist.
You talk like you, who defend tzuyu is a once. So people who don't defend tzuyu is naturally a hater?
You don't want me to talk about the scandal? I will talk about it here, on my blog.
Taiwan has never been acknowledged as a country. You can argue about anything else, but I am going by the world government standards.
Do I think Taiwan should be a country? Honestly, I am not a Taiwanese so it doesn't matter, but if their govt do passed a vote and they do voted that they want to be a country then I do support them. But right now, China do have a right to be angry. I am not from China, so who am I to say China cannot be upset?
Does Tzuyu deserve the hate? No.
Does Tzuyu deserve to get death threats sent at her? No.
Is she an innocent victim in the political war? Yes. Definitely.
If you agree with the three points of mine and then
1. Threaten me with death threats.
2. Send me hate messages
Then aren't you also a hypocrite? I don't think Tzuyu deserves the hate, and I myself, have never personally gave any one death threats on social media.
But if its Tzuyu, you guys say its unfair, she don't deserve it, she doesn't know what she was saying or doing.
But if it's some nobody you see on the internet, it is suddenly ok to spread hate and threaten that person's life?
Deranged
So I came across this again.
I would tell you, I'll let my loved ones die just for the innocent stranger.. That is the right answer... right?
But is it really? Just because it is the noble choice, means it is the right choice? Who are you or anyone else for that matter the one who can say it is right or wrong?
My answer is, I choose a loved one over a stranger any time.
If your answer is different from me, then I can also call you disgusting... That you have no sympathy for your loved ones. You don't deserve their love.
It goes both ways.
It doesn't give you a right to call me disgusting or that I am less of a human being. I wouldn't say that of you if you choose a stranger's life over your own loved ones..
So by suggesting that I am what's wrong with this world, who actually is the lesser being?
You can argue and say I shouldn't cry then, if my loved one drop dead just because someone else choose their loved ones over mine.
I would cry, I would weep over their deaths but I would still not blame the person who made that choice. How can I blame someone when I so know the feelings of preserving your loved ones?
Newest Addition
Hi everyone❣
Please welcome the newest family member into our mix... OREO THE KITTY❣❣❣
He was found abandoned at 5months old, starving and following anyone for food. We were feeding our neighborhood cats when a little girl came up to us with a meowing kitty behind her. We asked if it belongs to her, and she said that the stray cat had followed her home and her parents would not allow her to keep it so she is wondering what to do with him.
As fate would have called it, we were trying to trap a 5months old flame point siamese that night and she escaped upon seeing the cage and would not even come out of the drain she was hiding in. So with a cage in hand, and a brave little heart, we carried the little crying feline into our cage, he did not struggle and started purring really loudly as though knowing he would be safe now...
He was the first kitty I ever picked up and held ever since I decided to face my fear of cats by feeding neighborhood cats so he holds a really special place in my heart, and the fact that I found him the day I had my cat carrier with me. Fate works in mysterious ways❣
He is a very affectionate kitty, when I brought him home, my parents really didn't want to have him out of the carrier for fear of fleas being caught in our furniture or whatsoever. However, we managed to convince our parents to let him stay "for the time being" , in the meantime, we hope to establish his presence in our household and in my parent's heart. He is such a darling and we really do hope that we can make our parents love him too❣
My parents want him out of our house by august 1st so please help us to fund Oreo's sterilization, microchip, vaccination, flea treatment, FIV and blood tests. The most important thing for me right now, is his flea treatment and sterilization fee as I do not want him to spray at my parent's furniture so they will not have an excuse to remove him from our house.
Please welcome the newest family member into our mix... OREO THE KITTY❣❣❣
He was found abandoned at 5months old, starving and following anyone for food. We were feeding our neighborhood cats when a little girl came up to us with a meowing kitty behind her. We asked if it belongs to her, and she said that the stray cat had followed her home and her parents would not allow her to keep it so she is wondering what to do with him.
As fate would have called it, we were trying to trap a 5months old flame point siamese that night and she escaped upon seeing the cage and would not even come out of the drain she was hiding in. So with a cage in hand, and a brave little heart, we carried the little crying feline into our cage, he did not struggle and started purring really loudly as though knowing he would be safe now...
He was the first kitty I ever picked up and held ever since I decided to face my fear of cats by feeding neighborhood cats so he holds a really special place in my heart, and the fact that I found him the day I had my cat carrier with me. Fate works in mysterious ways❣
But I digress... Here is his first photo after being put in my cat carrier.
 |
| Poor little kitty |
My parents want him out of our house by august 1st so please help us to fund Oreo's sterilization, microchip, vaccination, flea treatment, FIV and blood tests. The most important thing for me right now, is his flea treatment and sterilization fee as I do not want him to spray at my parent's furniture so they will not have an excuse to remove him from our house.
Sulli and Choiza's Break up.
I have no problem with Sulli dating anyone. But I have a huge problem with Choiza. I was a fan of Kpop since 2003 so I have been there when Kpop was not popular. Choiza has a lot of negative news and he likes to pretend he is close to famous celebrities by appearing at their party unannounced and bragging to people how close he is to big names like Rain, TVXQ etc.
I have no problem with 2 adults dating but when Sulli first met him she was only 14 or 15. Choiza claimed that he met her at Heechul’s party which was even fan speculated that he went uninvited in the first place. Heechul never addressed Choiza’s claims, however, he did say he supports Sulli in whatever she chose to do.
The beginnings of Choiza and Sulli is creepy because she is very young and has no experience with any guys while he could very well manipulate her into doing what he wants. I am not saying she is innocent or cute or pure. But a 15 year old who has no dating experience or ever had anyone courting her would easily be influenced by someone much older than her which is why we have laws protecting our children.
With Choizas’ extensive back history of wanting to get attention, I wouldn’t be surprised that he “accidentally” lost his wallet during F(x)’s comeback (Red Light).
When first news broke out about their first photo holding hands, I already told my friend that this would either happen again with more damning evidence of her leaving his house or a text message between the two would leak.
As expected, he “lost” his wallet.
He got more famous after dating Sulli and she went downhill after dating him . You cannot deny that he had some part in it, maybe telling her to be more “real” and that he is real so she should be all the while kept quoting her in his interviews so he gets more viewership.
Now Sulli is officially known as being a sex crazed and unwanted woman so he has to break off with her for his newfound “good guy” image.
Good job to him. Too bad Sulli didn’t have someone to guide her and has been used by the dirty old men in the industry because of her beauty.
I have no problem with 2 adults dating but when Sulli first met him she was only 14 or 15. Choiza claimed that he met her at Heechul’s party which was even fan speculated that he went uninvited in the first place. Heechul never addressed Choiza’s claims, however, he did say he supports Sulli in whatever she chose to do.
The beginnings of Choiza and Sulli is creepy because she is very young and has no experience with any guys while he could very well manipulate her into doing what he wants. I am not saying she is innocent or cute or pure. But a 15 year old who has no dating experience or ever had anyone courting her would easily be influenced by someone much older than her which is why we have laws protecting our children.
With Choizas’ extensive back history of wanting to get attention, I wouldn’t be surprised that he “accidentally” lost his wallet during F(x)’s comeback (Red Light).
When first news broke out about their first photo holding hands, I already told my friend that this would either happen again with more damning evidence of her leaving his house or a text message between the two would leak.
As expected, he “lost” his wallet.
He got more famous after dating Sulli and she went downhill after dating him . You cannot deny that he had some part in it, maybe telling her to be more “real” and that he is real so she should be all the while kept quoting her in his interviews so he gets more viewership.
Now Sulli is officially known as being a sex crazed and unwanted woman so he has to break off with her for his newfound “good guy” image.
Good job to him. Too bad Sulli didn’t have someone to guide her and has been used by the dirty old men in the industry because of her beauty.
Xiaxue versus Monsta X / Monbebes
Hi guys! Just feel like updating this page about the recent KPOP saga of Xiaxue versus Monbebes!
Now a little background about myself, I was a KPOP fan since 2003. I used to listen to Wheesung, Lexy, Taebin, Se7en, Koyote, RAIN, BOA & Leehyori.
Some you don't know some you may have heard of... but I want to say I've been there since KPOP was not popular so hear me out ok??
I was an official clouds and Cassiopeia.
And the latter is THE BIGGEST FANDOM in KPOP.
Every time small fandoms have people insult their idols they will drag us in ...
and the fact is, Xiaxue did say that Monsta X looks like trannies... can Monbebes be upset?
Absolutely.
What is NOT right? It is not right for monbebe to dare Xiaxue to insult EXO and BTS.
Nope. It's not right to do that.
You, Monbebes are treating EXO-L & ARMYs like an idiot.
I've been here the longest and Cassies have been baited in a lot of needless drama.
The truth is, Monbebes are the one that drag EXO AND BTS into this shit and they are treating you, EXO-L, ARMYs and Xiaxue's fans like an idiot.
They are now laughing at themselves thinking "Oh yea, let's these suckers scold this bitch for us so she knows not to mess with our oppas"
I am FINE with Monbebes insulting Xiaxue.
But what I'm not ok is, Monbebes treating other fellow fandoms like an idiot and a dog.
SETTLE YOUR OWN DRAMA. Don't drag big fandoms in.
When Xiaxue insults EXO or BTS. Just reply this
"Hey Xiaxue, Monsta x fans are the one who insulting you and baiting you so you insult a bigger fandom... please leave EXO and BTS out of this because it's Monsta x fan alone that are unhappy with you" Simple.
Don't fight a fandom war that wasn't even yours to begin with.
Everyone will forget about Monbebes versus Xiaxue but will instead say "EXO and BTS have the worse fandoms coz the idols are the worst themselves"
Don't do that to your own oppas. Don't get baited.
It's Monbebes versus Xiaxue. Not EXOL/ARMY versus Xiaxue. Remember that.
But Xiaxue did a poll that asking if EXO/BTS OR MONSTA X is most effeminate, so she did insult EXO & BTS!!!
UH ... If Monbebes did not name drop BTS AND EXO FIRST,would Xiaxue have included them in the poll? I don't think so.
Xiaxue said BTS and EXO sucks worse!!!
UH ... She was dared by a monbebe... so why are you blaming xiaxue when monbebe was the one who drag EXO and BTS in first??? Hate on monbebe if you want to, not Xiaxue... So if I dare a girl to slap you, you are going to start a fight with the girl instead of me?? That's not very clever....
Leave your questions in the chatbox and I will reply, if you want to insult me better think twice. I am not here for a fandom way between Cassieopeia and any fandom I just want to clarify, as a sunbae fan to a hoobae fan.... Your actions equals to how people view your oppa... I cannot watch EXOL and ARMY be drag innocently into this and get hate for it... I am not ok with that.
Now a little background about myself, I was a KPOP fan since 2003. I used to listen to Wheesung, Lexy, Taebin, Se7en, Koyote, RAIN, BOA & Leehyori.
Some you don't know some you may have heard of... but I want to say I've been there since KPOP was not popular so hear me out ok??
I was an official clouds and Cassiopeia.
And the latter is THE BIGGEST FANDOM in KPOP.
Every time small fandoms have people insult their idols they will drag us in ...
and the fact is, Xiaxue did say that Monsta X looks like trannies... can Monbebes be upset?
Absolutely.
What is NOT right? It is not right for monbebe to dare Xiaxue to insult EXO and BTS.
Nope. It's not right to do that.
You, Monbebes are treating EXO-L & ARMYs like an idiot.
I've been here the longest and Cassies have been baited in a lot of needless drama.
They are now laughing at themselves thinking "Oh yea, let's these suckers scold this bitch for us so she knows not to mess with our oppas"
I am FINE with Monbebes insulting Xiaxue.
But what I'm not ok is, Monbebes treating other fellow fandoms like an idiot and a dog.
SETTLE YOUR OWN DRAMA. Don't drag big fandoms in.
When Xiaxue insults EXO or BTS. Just reply this
"Hey Xiaxue, Monsta x fans are the one who insulting you and baiting you so you insult a bigger fandom... please leave EXO and BTS out of this because it's Monsta x fan alone that are unhappy with you" Simple.
Don't fight a fandom war that wasn't even yours to begin with.
Everyone will forget about Monbebes versus Xiaxue but will instead say "EXO and BTS have the worse fandoms coz the idols are the worst themselves"
Don't do that to your own oppas. Don't get baited.
It's Monbebes versus Xiaxue. Not EXOL/ARMY versus Xiaxue. Remember that.
Q&A
But Xiaxue did a poll that asking if EXO/BTS OR MONSTA X is most effeminate, so she did insult EXO & BTS!!!
UH ... If Monbebes did not name drop BTS AND EXO FIRST,would Xiaxue have included them in the poll? I don't think so.
Xiaxue said BTS and EXO sucks worse!!!
UH ... She was dared by a monbebe... so why are you blaming xiaxue when monbebe was the one who drag EXO and BTS in first??? Hate on monbebe if you want to, not Xiaxue... So if I dare a girl to slap you, you are going to start a fight with the girl instead of me?? That's not very clever....
Leave your questions in the chatbox and I will reply, if you want to insult me better think twice. I am not here for a fandom way between Cassieopeia and any fandom I just want to clarify, as a sunbae fan to a hoobae fan.... Your actions equals to how people view your oppa... I cannot watch EXOL and ARMY be drag innocently into this and get hate for it... I am not ok with that.
CNY
Happy new year. 恭喜发财!
Chinese New Year had rolled on and passed by. But thats not the reason why I am here.
I am here for one thing- ranting.
Because I hide behind anonymity and my words here have no backlash.
Isn't it weird? People tend to speak their mind when they know they have no consequences.
In my case, I just learnt from a young age that if I have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.
I don't think I am a good person who will do good things, and speak good words. But I try.
I try and I vent over here.
I guess, it is a consolation that I can vent here or I might go crazy
Anyway, the sales in my company is weird. They are scared that I will take their sales so they don't teach me anything but when they went back homes to enjoy their holiday, I am stuck here with their shit.
I don't mind. Don't get me wrong.
Company grows, we grow.
I mean, of course I wish I had more sales and I am working on it everyday, but... I cannot force agents to buy my products , I can only keep pushing out packages to them hoping they will like my rates.
Anyway, I digress.
They don't want to teach me shit for fear that I will take their sales, fine by me. But then, when they are overseas and need me to help, they ask me why I don't know.
walau wei, don't like that leh... You don't want teach me one, now say until I don't want to learn??
Damn angry you know?
--
Will be saving $$ for braces + going to gym tonight.
Healthier me so I can have healthier mind and body.
一直想不好的东西，人会变丑的。
Chinese New Year had rolled on and passed by. But thats not the reason why I am here.
I am here for one thing- ranting.
Because I hide behind anonymity and my words here have no backlash.
Isn't it weird? People tend to speak their mind when they know they have no consequences.
In my case, I just learnt from a young age that if I have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.
I don't think I am a good person who will do good things, and speak good words. But I try.
I try and I vent over here.
I guess, it is a consolation that I can vent here or I might go crazy
Anyway, the sales in my company is weird. They are scared that I will take their sales so they don't teach me anything but when they went back homes to enjoy their holiday, I am stuck here with their shit.
I don't mind. Don't get me wrong.
Company grows, we grow.
I mean, of course I wish I had more sales and I am working on it everyday, but... I cannot force agents to buy my products , I can only keep pushing out packages to them hoping they will like my rates.
Anyway, I digress.
They don't want to teach me shit for fear that I will take their sales, fine by me. But then, when they are overseas and need me to help, they ask me why I don't know.
walau wei, don't like that leh... You don't want teach me one, now say until I don't want to learn??
Damn angry you know?
--
Will be saving $$ for braces + going to gym tonight.
Healthier me so I can have healthier mind and body.
一直想不好的东西，人会变丑的。
Think happy thoughts!
Butt pissypants hurt.
I don't get it. I don't get how your colleagues who ate lunch with you everyday and when something crops up they wouldn't hesitate to throw you under the bus.
I work in a really small company so daily we have to clear the dustbin near our desks.
Yesterday after I emptied my rubbish into the plastic bag, my colleague was the one who took it and I went to take out the rubbish on my table.
Today, when I came into office, she loudly said " Jaemin! You forgot to take out the trash yesterday!!!"
Right in front of the boss and everyone.
If I argued with her on the spot, she would insist that I was the one who forgot to take out the trash and it would end up with both of us on the bad side of the boss.
So what do people do in that situation? Keep quiet and get blamed for it, I guess.
It's not the first time this happened and I just keep letting it slide. No wonder my bosses think I'm unreliable.
What else can I do?
I work in a really small company so daily we have to clear the dustbin near our desks.
Yesterday after I emptied my rubbish into the plastic bag, my colleague was the one who took it and I went to take out the rubbish on my table.
Today, when I came into office, she loudly said " Jaemin! You forgot to take out the trash yesterday!!!"
Right in front of the boss and everyone.
If I argued with her on the spot, she would insist that I was the one who forgot to take out the trash and it would end up with both of us on the bad side of the boss.
So what do people do in that situation? Keep quiet and get blamed for it, I guess.
It's not the first time this happened and I just keep letting it slide. No wonder my bosses think I'm unreliable.
What else can I do?
hurt
2 friends of mine that I have known for years are getting married and I am the last to know.
I just feel so empty and alone sometimes. But then I just fuck it and get on with life... But how can I not be affected by this?
I mean, the guy did mention that he is proposing soon. But I thought they would at least inform me of the good news even though I wasn't a part of the group that helped with the proposal.
Also I got the news on facebook which I am not even active in.
I don't know, maybe I wasn't as important as I am to people and sometimes when I realised that it kinda hurts... x.x
-- Oh well..
A Remake of their debut Song, Love.
I just feel so empty and alone sometimes. But then I just fuck it and get on with life... But how can I not be affected by this?
I mean, the guy did mention that he is proposing soon. But I thought they would at least inform me of the good news even though I wasn't a part of the group that helped with the proposal.
Also I got the news on facebook which I am not even active in.
I don't know, maybe I wasn't as important as I am to people and sometimes when I realised that it kinda hurts... x.x
-- Oh well..
S.E.S. celebrates their 20th anniversary!
They don't look a day older when they debuted in 1997!
A Remake of their debut Song, Love.